GOTTA SEE
|
Hello and welcome to our October edition of Funny not Slutty. Enjoy the show. And check out all new videos from Kimberly McBride on her Featured Artist page. Just a reminder...If you are not a part of our FnS Network, you are missing out on some of the fun. I also look there to find new FnS material. And we have a FnS Facebook Group that's growing. Feel free to join and contribute. -Jacki Schklar, FnS Publisher
Click for the
Footastic Theatre Videos Sleep Study Born and raised in Durango, CO, Glennis moved to NY at the age of 18 with 5 bags and $500. She is still alive. Glennis is one-half of the acclaimed musical improv group I Eat Pandas (2008 ECNY winners "Best Improv Group"), along with Eliza Skinner, which performs at the UCB Theatre and across the country to sold-out shows and standing ovations. She has been seen on Conan O'Brien and heard on Maxim Sirius Radio and makes her living doing voice overs. I am a worrier. You name it and I’ve worried about it. I once broke out into a massive sweat thinking about the possibility of my headphone chord getting caught on someone’s arm on the way out the subway door, wrapping around my neck, the doors closing and me being dragged to my death. My logical brain and my creative brain are completely at odds. Logically, I know something like that only happens in movies called “Final Destination” and yet, my creative brain is really good at convincing me things like that can, and will, happen. Because I worry I don’t really sleep and when I do sleep I have terrible stress dreams. Recently I was in Ithica for a wedding. I was surrounded by loved ones, the environment was nothing but trees and ponds and there was absolutely nothing for me to truly stress out about. Logically I knew this and yet when I went to sleep in the huge, king-size bed, I had terrible dreams. I dreamed that the bride asked me to let her chihuahua sleep in my bed. In the dream I would pull the covers over my head and the dog would crawl up the covers and slowly peer over at me. When he saw that I was not his owner but Glennis, trying to sleep, he would snarl and growl and in my dream I was sure he was going to bite my face while I slept. Oh and did I mention the dog had a third eye on the top of his head? When I dream like that it’s always a relief to wake up and yet my body wants me to sleep. I’m exhausted. I get frustrated easily and cry when I can’t find the case for my ipod. I don’t want to do anything and my mind is in a fog. Constantly. And so, after years and years of complaining about it and not doing anything I decided it was far time to undergo a professional sleep study. I hadn’t done it before for a few reasons. 1 – I didn’t like the thought of someone watching me while I slept. What if I forgot where I was and started masturbating in the middle of the night? No, I don’t make it a habit to DO that, but what if!? 2 – I didn’t actually believe they could do anything for me. I knew what the problem was. What could they tell me I didn’t already know? But I was at the point where it was either go to the sleep clinic or… kill myself. Kidding? Not really. So? Did I do it? Did I sleep? Did I get my results? AM I A CHANGED PERSON!? Well: yes, no, no and… not yet. I did the study and it was definitely an experience. They hook up electrodes all over your head, face, neck, side and legs. You have an oxygen hose on your nose and they top it all off with a mesh hood. Good night! I slept a little; off and on. No worse than I usually sleep and definitely no better. The night was pretty uneventful save for when I had to pee. I wasn’t able to get up because of all the wires attached to me. I was told to sit up in bed, wave at the camera on the wall and loudly say, “I have to pee!” I figured when I did this it would take them a minute to get back to me over the loud speaker in the room. And yet when I sat up, waved my hand in the air and said, “I have to pee!” the response was immediate. “Glennis!? You have to pee!?” as if they were literally sitting, watching, waiting for me to speak up. Kind of creepy, right? Yes it’s their job but the thought just creeps me out.
I have a follow-up appointment in a week and I’m hoping they say stuff like, “in all our years studying sleep we’ve never seen someone…” and “this is the worst case of (blank) we’ve ever seen!” I really like dramatic results. And guys, I’m pretty sure that once I’m able to sleep I’m going to be the most amazing person in the world. I have to admit, I might actually miss my dreams. I’ve had some doozies and I love telling people about them and breaking them down to figure out what’s going on in my life that I need to deal with. But if it comes down to dreams about small dogs eating my face and a clear head throughout my day I choose the latter. Hands down. Sweet Dreams!
|
The Horror, The Horror Tanyalee Davis Delivers GREAT BIG Laughs Tanyalee Davis from the Winnipeg Comedy Festival ’Best Medicine show’ FnS Audio Interview with Tanyalee:
At 3'6", Tanyalee is the Ferrari of comedy - low to the ground and kind of racy. She started doing stand-up-on-a-chair in 1990 after a brief but disappointing NBA career. Today she has brought comedy to new heights headlining clubs and colleges throughout the world. Tanyalee was the winner of the 2003 Norman G. Brooks Standup Comedy Scholarship Competition held at the Hollywood Improv. In August 2003, She was part of the “US Comedy Invasion” show, performing at the world’s largest festival in Edinburgh, Scotland. Tanyalee’s professionalism and talent was recognized at the festival by Comic Voice Management out of England. Her new management company brought her on a full UK tour in the spring of 2004 with a 2nd tour scheduled later in the year. Back in April 2001, Tanyalee headlined her own show at the prestigious Melbourne Comedy Festival obtaining great reviews. In Nov. 1999, she placed 2nd in the Seattle Comedy Competition. She was the first woman in 10 years to make it into the finals. Tanyalee is most recognized for her multiple appearances on the “Maury Show” where they focused on her uprising career. Having a degree in Sociology allows Tanyalee to express her perception of people, and how they perceive her. One theme in Tanyalee’s act is about being “sexy”. The “sexy comes from within”, which means everyone can be sexy and Tanyalee proves it.
Being a president has never been easier! Show off your presidential speech chops with our easy, do-it-yourself, fill-in-the-blank speech form—"President Talk Made Easy!" Impress your friends! Influence people! Kill 5 minutes at the office! It's all just a click away! View, download or print the form. Leslie is a NY based comedian who loves all things comedy! She is a 2008 Manhattan Monologue Slam Champion, member of the amazing New York improv troupes, "Start Trekkin'" and the "Headshop Guerillas," and a captain of Gotham Comedy Club's house improv team, "The Red Tie Mafia." She has performed sketch/stand-up at Comix, Gotham, NY Film Academy, Living Theatre, and many more. Now, if only she could keep a plant alive...
Rape Whistles are Stupid
KiKi is a Los-Angeles based writer, producer, and tech geek. She spends her day marketing other people for a paycheck, and spends her nights plotting out her next idea for an essay...or sitting in front of the TV. Ki was previously a producer with CNN and after a several-year hiatus is returning to the media world with several top secret projects on the rise. Check out Ki's blog at kikiwalter.blogspot.com. Check this shit out. After hours – hell, days – of “political” research, heated diatribes revolving around my Palinthetic conspiracy theory beliefs (read: truths), and nurturing my admitted obsession with the Republican Vice Presidential candidate, I have found a fascinating new comparison to thrust upon the world. Sarah Palin is Vera from the beloved 1970s sitcom “Alice”.
Not only does she bear an uncanny resemblance to the ever-popular character with her carefully orchestrated brunette bouffant, and vacant toothy grin, she possesses that delicious, intoxicating daffiness we embrace in today’s pop culture. Who doesn’t love comedienne Tina Fey’s portrayal of the Republican vixen, late-night talk show mockery of her existence and ideals, and her amazing ability to portray herself in an almost satirical fashion in media appearances? Who doesn’t love this? Feminists. I believe myself to be a strong example of the textbook liberal feminist, which is vastly different from our extremist set. From this point of view, I ask again, what defines a feminist? Is it the kind of person who fiercely stands behind someone unable to differentiate foreign policy from the hair in her asshole? The Merriam-Webster definition of feminism: Main Entry:
fem·i·nism Pronunciation: \fe-m-ni-zm\ Function: noun Date: 1895 1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes 2 : organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests — fem·i·nist \-nist\ noun or adjective — fem·i·nis·tic \fe-m-nis-tik\ adjective From my humble understanding, allow me to dissect this in one simple sentence: Feminism should support strong, intelligent women in their quest for equality to compete with, have the same opportunities, and same respect as men. It should not mean that a woman gets somewhere merely because she is a woman. It does not mean that just because she has tits and can cry “I am a feminist” she deserves to be placed in a position of power to prove a point…or…give someone else an opportunity to use her sexuality for their own benefit and/or gain. Yes, from the beginning of time when the human species was evolved (I won’t go into the “creationism” thing), and it was a woman’s place to pick berries with her naked boobs sagging to the ground and shit out babies, there has been a struggle for females to stand on the same ground as males. It’s a fact, and I don’t debate it. But, I’m sorry, the way to get to that Elysian plateau is not to move backwards in time, deny ourselves our own rights, or support one’s desire to assume a position of power – whether politically or otherwise – simply because of their sex. A person should be supported out of respect because they are informed, open-minded, honest, prepared, and most importantly, ready. Male or female. This, my friends, is what equality is about. Not trying to elevate someone because of gender or race. It is important to admit I am suffering from a debilitating disease: Palinitis. I am obsessed. I find myself obsessing about what she stands for…politically. As a person, her life is her own business. Her beliefs are her own business. Her family life belongs to her. But when someone politically uses their beliefs as a strategy, compromises and judges my own ideals and the beliefs of others, I become passionately incensed. She has no right glorifying her religious beliefs over the beliefs of others and isolating various segments of our society. She has no right wanting to move back in time with taking away a woman’s right to choose. She has no right to say a girl or woman who has been brutally raped by a stranger, family member, or otherwise, has no choice in how to handle the consequences. Sarah Palin – and anyone she is associated with in her run for office -- has no right to use her “hockey mom” claim to fame as a bullet point in why she would make a good leader. Hockey mom? Are you kidding me? She has no right to put my loved ones, the people of our country (and other countries for that matter), and me in harm’s way because she is uninformed. Her interviews so far seemingly lack the confidence a leader should have. If she can’t handle the media now, what’s going to happen as she becomes more deeply involved? Sarah Palin’s goals are not driven by the fact she is a woman at all. I believe she pursues her political career because she is passionate about her politics and beliefs, and isn’t out to prove something just because of her sex. However, I do believe there are groups out there who use her sexuality as a tool, and who campaign to place the Palin/McCain (loved that one) ticket in office to prove a point by putting a woman into a historical role of leadership. No. Actually, I think it is more to use the promise of this historical role as a selling point. With this kind of thinking, we have a lot further to go in the world to achieve equality. Palin may be driven, she may be intelligent, she may have come far in her political career – but how is she qualified at this point to be “a heartbeat away” from the presidency? Seriously, how can she ignore the outcry of many Americans and morally not step down for the good of our country? How can she be so selfish? "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" --Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co", July 2008 She’s made history no matter how this turns out in the end. She is no doubt aggressive, strong, and unwavering with her beliefs. Despite this, I still believe it’s a shame that Ms. Vice Presidential candidate, and those who have placed her in this position of being completely exploited, have so far refused to truly hear the concerns that she simply is not ready to take on such a globally critical role. Sarah Palin is not ready, period. And she needs to get off the pot and out of the kitchen. More KiKi:
Allie Baker - The Girl on the Phone in Rap Songs
Dick’s One Nights Stands: ReyonceDick the one night stand master is really in trouble now. This fast talking loud-moth quick to fuse woman is not taking no for an answer. Tomboys in Fishnets - http://tomboystv.com/
|
Copyright 2008 Southern Jewish Princess Media
www.funnynotslutty.com | www.southernjewishprincess.com
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________