Hello and welcome to our July edition of Funny not Slutty. We have had a steady following and our viewers are helping us to gain increased exposure. Thank you to everyone who has contributed, joined us on social networks and shown support in emails.
And we were recently featured as a Video Site of the Week by Internet Video Magazine.
Please add our site to your referred links listing and mention us in your blogs. You can submit an ad with your link and we'll post it in our classifieds!
-Jacki Schklar, Publisher
Coming in August:
Audio interview with the one and only Etta May!
Linda Gambino
Fundip Comedy
Terese Daly Ramin And more Alice Jankowski
Sexless in the South by Alice Jankowski
Alice Jankowski has been a moonlighting stand-up comedian for the last eight years. By day, she's a mild-mannered coupon writer for a major department store, but little do they know of her true identity. During her two weeks of vacation, she can seen in clubs across the country. She's also appeared on Girls Behaving Badly on the Oxygen Network, Comcast Comedy On Demand and recently on LOL at ajc.com.
When I was an after-school teacher, I had a recurring dream of a 6-year-old me talking to a modern-day me. Like any 6-year old she's inquisitive, starting with my name and proceeding with every desire she hopes to come from being a grownup. She assumes I'm married and asks my husbands name and if he's a prince, a fireman or ice cream man. And I reply, I'm not married yet. And she asks, why? And I tell her princes are hard to come by these days. She says oh. Unfazed she moves on, are you a ballerina? No. A doctor? No. A mommy? Not yet. She asks then what are you? I'm still in school and live with my parents. She says you're that big and still live with your mommy and daddy? Yes. She thinks it over and says, you're a loser. And runs off to the swing set. Nice. Suffice it to say that job didn't last long.
Welcome to being single in the South. See, it's all the rage that thirty is the new twenty. In the South, thirty is the "women don't speak of such things in public".
I always thought dating was going to be like baggage claim. You get to baggage claim and expect to find your bag right away. Everyone else does. And you wind up having to celebrate them finding their bags. Oh I'm so happy for you, whatever. For the rest of us, the carousel keeps going around and around and around. So, we start to compromise. Well, that bag has a strap. Mine had a strap. It'll work over the holidays.
Now, I'm not looking for a pity party. Being single has its advantages - beats spicing up those same leftovers night after night. When I get bored, I get take out. And thanks to Demi Moore and Cougars everywhere, the young-ens have come to appreciate experience. Not too young, I'm not one to teach, those days are over.
Nowadays, it just takes a little longer to get ready for the ride. The transition from dating in your twenties to your thirties is going from high maintenance to mandatory maintenance. From, I want to color my hair to I have to color my hair. And, I need to shave to I must wax - for much of the same reason as the hair color.
Accessories are key to the single thirty-year-old. No longer can we run out of the house with our perky titties in our boyfriends wife beater and call it a day. Fake lashes under a sexy cap say come hither. Combined with cleavage, cleavage and more cleavage, tight capris and killer heels finish off the look. Plus capris mean you only have to shave half way, bonus. Unless you plan on gettin a little love - which never pans out. No one ever gets laid on wax/mani/pedi day. It's always the day when you were just out for a drink with the girls sporting the grandma panties and the four-day-old stubble. My advice is take a shot and go for it. Just don't raise your arms, keep the lights low and instruct him to rub your legs with the grain. Visit Alice's Page
Kimberly McBride: RAW IMPRESSION
Self portrait - Kimberly McBride
When I asked Kimberly McBride if she would be featured on our site, she wondered why I picked her. My answer - "How could I NOT pick you!"
CLICK PLAY BUTTON for audio interview, and see link below for videos.
Kim as Courtney Love on Pop!Now with Reggie Smythe 1994
How to Live and Eat like a Southern Jewish Princess
Teaser clip
Scene 2 from the pilot episode of our comedy animation series. Special thanks to our amazing production and animation team for their hard work.
Chick Chat - A conversation between two funny chicks...
One Night Stands
Susan Alexander (SA) and Sandy Stec (SS)
SA: What is your wackiest One Night Stand?
SS: Shitty Cock
SA: What you mean by shitty cock?
SS: I asked him if he had condoms. He didn’t, but luckily I did. Then he asked what size condoms because he could "only use the Magnums." (for big cocks) He pulled his pants down, and his cock wasn't big- it was deformed! It looked like a snake swallowed a boar. Like a weird shaped Hammerhead shark. What’s your wackiest One Night Stand, Susan?
SA: (Pause….)There’s been too many. I have an addiction to Irish men. When I hear that Lucky Charm leprechaun on TV I get wet. Picked up this really hot Irish guy on holiday. Asked him about his best oral sex. He said it was from best friend back home. He tells me he is not gay but men know about giving blow jobs. Do you get any married men that hit on you?
SS: Not really married men, but OLD men.
SA: How old Sandy? Are you the new poster girl for Depends?
SS: Like late 40s to 50s. I think they try to recapture their youth while they're talking to me. Sometimes they'll even wink at me before I leave. Creepy!
SA: You have had at least one hot guy, right?
SS: Oh, did I! A couple months ago I redeemed myself and hooked up with a Thunder From Down Under Dude. (from the touring male-review show)
SA: Aren't they just male prostitutes?
SS: I prefer to say "dancer" since I didn't pay him.
SA: So.....was there thunder from down under?
SS: He was hot as shit! He had a nice body, a great face, and then he pulled his pants down and I was like, "Jackpot!" Kind of ironic considering we were in a casino. What about your hottest one-night stand?
SA; Saw this hot blonde version Dean Cain. I bet him I could bounce a quarter off his chest and I did we went home together. We had the hottest sex. He knew all the right spots to hit and chemistry. Then it got awkard when I drunk text him to tell that I was pregnant and it was his.
SS: What did he do?!?
SA: He said for me to keep it.
SS: "Keep it?" That's it? How lame.
SA; Kinda of lame of me to drunk text him that. Told him it was a bad joke. That was my closest Glen Close boil the bunny moment. What about you?
SS: I’m more of an online stalker. After my horrible experience with shittycock, I went on his website and sent pictures of him to my friends, so they could put a face with the cock. :o)
SA: Guess we all have crazy moments but no one wants to admit.
Susan Alexander hosted and produced the popular live weekly Friday and Saturday Night Showcases in downtown San Francisco at the San Francisco Comedy Club from 2003 - 2005. Susan also hosted and produced a successful monthly show with a variety of female stand-up comedians called ‘5 Funny Females’ , a popular 10-City tour in 2006. In 2007, the tour will appear in select cities then back on the road again in 2008.
Susan created Singles Who Mingle which is the first-ever event that offers singles a mix of stand-up comedy and dating game that toured in top US cities for singles in Spring/Summer 2006 and returns in 2008.
She is now based in New York City and creating/hosting her own Funny Females on the Road webisode series along with upcoming TV projects. Susan continues to perform stand-up comedy across the country.
Sandy Stec’s dialect-driven characters and sarcastic life-stories covers all the bases-and then some. Clubs, colleges, corporate and sporting events have quickly picked up on Sandy's cynical- yet friendly - delivery, allowing her to become a favorite among audiences. Sandy currently hosts a weekly midday on-air radio program on Mix 106.5 Today’s Best Mix of San Jose, CA. She was recently featured on UPN's 'Stand Up, it's Thursday Night!" and Cinnequest Film Festival ‘Funny Girlz.’
Mr. Pickles: Bargain Helper Monkey, With Mary Elizabeth Ellis Day, Lex Hrabe. Written/ Directed by Duncan Birmingham.
The Retributioners are back with ‘Episode 6: The Taxi Thief.’
In this episode of our favorite funny web series, Stephanie finds an innovative way to deal with people who steal your taxi.
Copyright 2008 Southern Jewish Princess Media www.funnynotslutty.com | www.southernjewishprincess.com
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